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Welcome to the sinking Texas boat! Where's the captain?

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We all live on a sinking burnt orange yacht, a sinking burnt orange yacht. We all live on a sinking burnt orange yacht, a sinking burnt orange yacht...

Erich Schlegel

So, Texas Longhorns athletic director DeLoss Dodds had to go out to speak to other athletic directors in the Metroplex. Chuck Carlton of the Dallas Morning News caught up with DeLoss to ask him questions about the Texas program. Dodds spoke words that formed sentences.

Not so much on the saying things, though.

Warning: Advance into the strange world of DeLoss double-talk at your own peril.

Line 1: "I'll guarantee you and anybody else that wants to listen that the right decisions will be made at the right time, regardless of who's there or not there."

So, the right decisions, this is a good sign, and the only time here when Dodds actually asserts himself into all this. Who is there or not there? Wait. Who would not be wherever they would be if they were not there, wherever there is? And if this "they" wasn't there, why would they matter at all and why is Dodds distracting from the decider? Who is the decider?

Line 2: "That comes first. What I'm doing or not doing, that doesn't count. When it comes time to make decisions, they'll be made."

So, Dodds is supposedly the decider, but never actually says, "I will make the decisions." Just assuming that he's the decider, since he's the athletic director. But what he may or may not be doing doesn't matter? In impacting who is there or not there? No, that didn't matter. Of course, he said that -- the right decisions will be made.


Or what the athletic director is doing doesn't count in terms of making the right decisions? This is confusing...

But, decisions will be made when they need to! Good. Now, who is making them again? Dodds? Powers? Regents and former regents who go behind everyone else's back to reach out to other coaches just before talking to the current coach about retiring to bring in the other coach at the behest of whom? That wasn't Perry making Wallace Hall dance that time, it was just a fortunate coincidence for Perry, right?

So this was a big-money donor, a shot-caller who told Hall to hit up Jimmy Sexton, Nick Saban's agent?

Ah, the anonymous decider -- the only person who seems to be doing much deciding around the athletic department. Since Dodds hasnn't actually decided to retire yet and all.

Line 3: "He is energized. He is working long days. We've got kids, we've got coaches, we've got everything in place. We just need to turn the corner somewhere, some place."

How many times has Mack been energized or re-energized since the national championship game loss? And what happened to the prefix? He's not even re-energized now, it's just energized? I could have sworn he was just re-energized on several different occasions. It sounds like there may be something wrong with his power supply.

Battery may be exhausted or something, like how your phone gets when you charge it too much.

Kids. And coaches. Everything! Having coaches and kids -- such a rare thing for a program. However, it is hard to say if every program has everything. Not all, for sure.

And...Yes! The corner. Finally. Been waiting for this for a minute. Sucks going in a straight line when that straight line only leads bad places. Unfortunate, really. At this point, corners are definitely good. And the turning of them.

Line 4: "Maybe Kansas State was a corner."

Maybe! If so, a corner that will eventually lead to the dead end that is the Cotton Bowl in the second week of October and whatever happens then. That will truly define the nature of this corner! If it is a corner, after all. Either way, all roads lead to October 12.

Line 5: "It's important. It's our turn, right?"

This comment regarding said Red River Rivalry. And yes, this is apparently now the reasoning why Texas should win -- "It's our turn."

And I will totally run tell mom and dad if that big, mean, no-chin-having bully Bobby Stoops won't let us take our turn. /pouty face

So about that Texas arrogance and everything? Yeah...

Line 6: "Obviously, you've got to win. If you don't win, you've got to fix it. That's the boat we're in."

Yeah, uh, DeLoss, what if I don't like this boat? Do I have to sink with it? Because it's totally taking on water and stuff. And wait, who was the captain again anyway?

I'm trying to find the person who makes the decisions around here. The decider.

Paging Bill Powers. You can be a decider, right? Also, who is the anonymous decider?

Anyway, I hear Baylor just came into some money and got a nice new boat. That isn't taking on water or impacted by corners that may or may not exist and doesn't really need deciders at the moment. Just cruising along real nice and smooth like. Doesn't need the type of double-talk nonsense that bruises the grey matter, either.

Eh. It is what it is. Whatever that is.

Unknown corners and unknown deciders and all.